Social media is abuzz with the information about the suicide of a young, promising actor. His death is being attributed to depression. A not-so-welcome outcome of it is that more and more people are now coming up offering solutions to depression. Sample this: A recent post on one of the whatsapp group says, “If you want to talk to me, I am here.”

While the intent of it may be honest, what we are missing out is the fact that depression is a mental condition that requires professional intervention.

It is not something that can be treated at home, through self counselling, or just by offering a sympathetic ear to a person suffering from it.

There may be one or multiple reasons a person is undergoing depression--could be career-related, personal life, or any other issue. But if you think your friend is going through depression, while offering him all the love and the solace, it is also important to direct him gently towards professional help.

1. When as a friend you or I will offer a sensitive ear to the person to listen out to his story or events that are causing the pain, while we may not be judgemental about the person, we are sure to either agree to the event and its outcomes or disagree to it. Since, we are involved with the person, it is natural for us to be involved with the event as well. And that is the first mistake we make, as not-trained people to handle depression. Agreeing, disagreeing or giving the person solutions to his pain, telling him that all will be well and that he can do this or that is just reinforcing the pain of the event in his/her mind. Whereas a professional counsellor will steer clear of the event and focus on the feelings. 
2. Listening or hearing to the pain is all we can offer but we are not equipped to offer therapies, which is what the patient needs to move out of the depressive zone. Therapists offer cognitive solutions to diffuse the thoughts, psychotherapy to reduce impact of low self esteem and more. For example: when a person believes he is a failure, a therapist may ask him to write out the moments when he had excelled and felt pride...this will gradually instill self-belief back in him. Before you offer help to a depressed friend, ask yourself, “Am I equipped for this?"
3. It is a natural response for us to be sympathetic to a person who seems in pain--after all he/she is our friend and seeing her in pain bothers or pains me as well; but we miss out on one important keyword here: empathy. A person in pain does not want sympathy; he or she may in fact view sympathy as alms; what he wants is empathy. He does not want you to judge him, or the factors that have brought him to this threshold; he wants you to just understand his point of view. The challenge here is that while understanding or looking at his point of view, we--as close friends of his--lose perspective of the situation and get involved in it. We are not able to remove ourselves...something trained counsellors are taught and trained in.
4. Vocabulary matters when it comes to talking to a person in depression. Don’t say, “It is okay” or “Everything will be fine” or “I understand”; remember to a person undergoing clinical depression, these words sound hollow and something that most people say to him. Give his mental state, it may be possible that he write you off as well as someone who doesn’t take him seriously. Therefore, it is important to watch what you say.

Have you experienced clinically depression? No. Then it may be best for you to steer your friend towards a therapist. Be his friend/support/shoulder/punching bag...what ever...but please do not be his counsellor.