“Appa, why are you so angry and irritated always? Just go and relax and let me work; I’ll clean the living room in the next 30 minutes,” I said as I send my father, a 65-year-old retired man, away. He had been getting fussy around the room trying to clean and dust and settle it. In his irritation, he was grumbling constantly, bumping into things and it was not helping.

I’ve been working from home the past three months and this is the longest I’ve spent time with my widower father. He’s used to meeting his friends and having his time alone when I am away at work. This gradual change in his behaviour--from a pleasant, amiable man to living on the verge of anger, constant irritation and scolding--was a bit surprising for me, but I thought it was the lockdown and the limitation of not going out and being stuck with me behind all of this. I hoped that soon he would accept the new normal, the way I’ve done, and go back to being his pleasant self again.

I noticed that he was way too engrossed in his TV. It was almost like, you couldn’t tell him apart from the TV. I thought it was good for me as I could work peacefully and for him since it would keep him engrossed, but I was so wrong. Very soon I realised that this obsession of his was somewhat not normal. Moreso, two weeks back, when I found him awake till six in the morning, surfing different NEWS channels, I started to get worried about him. My father never compromised on a good night’s sleep, no matter what. And this was very unlike him. 

That was when I called up my friend, a professional therapist and told her about these unusual behavioural traits my dad was displaying. As per her my father was showing signs of loneliness. I assumed that loneliness, in the elderly, is common and she replied back saying, “Just because it is common doesn't mean it's normal, right?” and this pinched me really hard. Spending three months with him, day in and day out, and I missed  the symptoms of loneliness and depression in my father!!! 

I kicked myself hard. I blamed myself for his condition. I should’ve known he might be feeling lonely with the lockdown and social distancing. I asked my friend what I could do to help him. She suggested talking to him first. Something that I tried, but it backfired because my father thought depression was something only weaker people went through and that he was absolutely fine. When I asked him to speak to my friend he straight away rejected the offer. I knew I had to do something, I couldn’t let him suffer, toss and turn through the night in his bedtrying to find a companion in the TV. 

I made it a point to make a schedule for him. It was difficult initially to make him follow it but after the 3rd day, we did make proper meals, had food together, talked about my work, watched the NEWS and TV for some time. I pulled out his favourite books from the store room and made it a point that he reads a little each day, while I work. I got in touch with his friends and planned group calls and bingo rounds for them. Teaching him to use the internet for meeting his friends virtually was on my agenda.

Soon, he started to relax a bit unlike earlier, he started to look forward to meal time, and his group chats. I taught him how to operate youtube and he would watch videos on how to nurture his favorite plants adenium on it--he would discuss with me how those videos were totally trash and then look for more till he found one that made sense to him. Next morning I found him bent over the plant, pruning it, with the phone next to him on which the youtube video was playing. The next evening he very excitedly he asked me to enrol him for a group meditation cum satsang classes. 

I should’ve done these things way back--when the lockdown was announced and movement restricted. It is important for us adults to understand that our parents are not used to adjusting to social distancing as easily as us. We are aware of the alternatives, but for them, this phase is all the more difficult as they sometimes feel challenged. It is our responsibility as their children  to keep a check and get close to them in this time. 

I started making a cup of hot chocolate for us every alternate evening - it was a trick that worked really well to make him feel better,” wrote Kartiki Ranganathan while talking about depression in seniors during the lockdown.