“I am a dentist by profession. When the government had announced a lockdown in the month of March, I had to close down my clinic, except for emergencies. As is, because of COVID fear, there were hardly any patients coming in.

At that time, I volunteered to be a part of the COVID team at the local hospital. I felt that the government could use more hands as frontliners and healthcare workers. I wanted to contribute towards maintaining my nation's health.

It was crazy and many a times I questioned myself for taking such a decision.

I HAVE GONE WITHOUT FOOD FOR HOURS, WITHOUT SLEEP FOR DAYS, AND WITHOUT WATER FOR ENTIRE 8 HOURS SHIFTS.

At some points in time, I also felt like it was a futile battle I am fighting...the tidal wave of patients just never let up. Patients kept coming in in hoardes and like machines we kept attending to them.

I felt like I have lost all my sensitivity to pain and death, and had no connection with the patient at all--I referred to them with bed numbers. It was very unlike my dental practice where most patients and I had a good rapport.

I had even taken up an OYO room away from my house where I used to go after my shifts so as to not bring the virus home.

It was undoubtedly hectic but I had decided to serve my nation and countrymen and that helped me stay motivated.

Now with unlock, dentistry is back in practice. My other colleagues have opened their clinics and are attending to patients full-on.

I FEEL STUCK NOW.

If I quit my hospital here, I will feel I have cheated on them by leaving them when the crisis is at its peak.

If I don’t quit and go back to my dentistry practice, I will feel I am cheating my dreams and my education.

There is no mid-way; I cannot resume my practice for a few weekdays and continue here at the hospital on other days; the COVID team needs me each moment, each second. Also as a COVID healthcare worker, would patients with dental requirements be willing to trust me; I doubt it.

I FEEL HONOURED TO HAVE GOTTEN THIS OPPORTUNITY TO WORK FOR COVID TEAMS BUT IT IS SUCKING ME IN LIKE A WHIRLPOOL.

All my dreams and aspirations are getting lost...but I am bound by my sense of duty towards my country and as a healthcare worker.

I wonder what is the right path to move on from here; any suggestions?” asks Dr Saurabh Siyal, dentist, Ghaziabad, UP.