“I am a part of the COVID team that is stationed at the state border of Uttarakhand. We check the temperature of people entering the state and anyone who has even slightly elevated temperature, then his swab is taken for further testing. The person is quarantined in a hotel till the swab test comes negative. Initially my work seemed thrilling. I am a pahari belonging to Uttarakhand and am super proud of my state and community and when it came to protecting my state from the invasion of COVID, I immediately volunteered.

But now I feel it is all a wasted effort. However much we try and monitor, the number of cases in Dehradun also seem to be increasing every day. Dehradun is a small town and does not have the health infrastructure of big cities...the tidal wave of COVID is causing all the health facilities to be overwhelmed and finally crash. We keep hearing of doctors and nurses falling sick with COVID..if they fall sick who will treat the patients?

It is a losing battle we seem to be fighting, the cases are increasing so rapidly. I have lost faith in my ability to contribute or the state and country's ability to manage anything. It is a totally wastage of our effort...sometimes I feel, I would have been more comfortable, if I was inside my house watching TV and making fun of all the idiots like me standing on the border, in full PPE gear in temperatures over 40 C...trying to control COVID. People must really be thinking that we are fools...that day, I almost fainted in the PPE because of the heat. I had to be shifted in the shade and given a break of half hour.

And on top of the virus are our irresponsible and totally unconcerned citizens. Now last week only, a couple had come from Delhi on their bike. On taking their temperature, the girl’s was high enough. As per protocol, since they were visitors to Dehradun and not residents, they were asked to quarantine in a state-specified hotel. Their details were noted down. Next day when a member of the COVID follow-up team called them, the hotel reported that the couple had sneaked out the previous night and was nowhere to be found. How can people be so stupid and careless? Is staying quarantined for 14 days so difficult that they had to run off. And now our men are trying to trace them with the help of the police. I hope when they are found, they are put in the prison for their actions. How many people they may have infected so far no one knows.

I could have strangled them with my hands only I was so furious. And then there are those people who come in their fancy SUV’s with full make-up and refuse to let us near them for a swab test. They act all high and mighty and take names of this politician and that MP..but are they fools enough to think that COVID will not hit them just because they are rich and well placed. I don’t feel like working for such people.

Half of the time I am angry...I have these frequent squabbles with my colleagues also when irritated...the other half, when I read the increasing numbers, I want to give it all up. There is no point in fighting this tide now, is there? We might as well let it drown us all and whoever survives, lucky for them.

I have become so bitter...I sometimes wish that COVID does cause death of that couple for instance, of the high and mighty who don’t want us to come near us and turn up their noses as if we smell of cowdung...acha hai unko ho hi jaye COVID, tab dimaag thikane aayega.

But I don’t want to be bitter...I was a happy-go-lucky fellow and now in three months, I have aged three times..I am a grumpy old man in the skin of a younger man, full of anger towards people, abuses for their carelessness and vicious. I have frequent fights with my colleagues and have no patience left even with my friends when they joke about COVID, my blood boils.

I think if I want to retain a part of my personality, I must quit my job...only then will I be at peace. But is it even fair of me to think so.

(pic credit: freepik)