“I miss my parents so much but meeting them is the last thing that I’d do right now”, said Arya Karthik, a 26-year-old woman who stays just 45 minutes away from her parents in Mumbai city. Most women are unable to go and meet their parents, even during the unlock phase, as travelling is risky, especially in Mumbai given the steep rise in the number of COVID patients. Being married and staying away from the parents, the women are concerned about exposing their parents to the virus if they choose to visit or go and stay with their folks. Arya talked about her anxiety and worry for her parents all through the lockdown and how she feels guilty for not being present for them in person. Add to it that she feels lonely and is not able to go and visit them to relieve her stress, and it is no wonder that she is upset.
She said, “I’ve been married for 1.5-years and being 45 minutes away from my parents always seemed the best thing and the most comfortable situation for me as a married woman. I used to go and spend a saturday afternoon with them each week--my mother used to pamper me with my favourite dishes and I could share all my troubles and issues with my parents. But, last I met them was 4 months ago in February. After that, ever since COVID started to spread, I became confused about meeting them. Here, my in-laws house, everything was running normally--people were still coming and going and so we were all exposed to a large number of people. I didn’t want to be an asymptomatic carrier of disease for them and took the brave decision of keeping myself away from them.
When the lockdown started, I tried my best to help amma and appa to not feel lonely by getting on regular video calls with them or buying groceries, medicines and other essentials for them and leaving them outside the door whenever allowed.
The hardest part was, waving them goodbyes from the car. This social distancing made me feel so helpless and I could see the helplessness and pain in their eyes too. The physical pain of working all by themselves and the emotional turmoil of seeing their daughter just a few metres away from the car, but being incapable of hugging her!!!
When the unlock phase was announced, I wanted to go live with my parents for 2-3 months. But I’ve been travelling and moving around in so many places to get vegetables, groceries--I have also met with so many NGOs during this time to help them personally. I’ve exposed myself to the vulnerability of the virus. Even though I am not infected and Karthik and I have been safe for all this while, I have this stressful feeling that - what if one day I decide to meet my parents and that would be the day all of us get infected? I can barely even process this thought let alone do something like this and putting everyone’s life in danger. It is difficult to go meet them now with all these thoughts, even if they are just 45 mins away.
When I met a few of my colony friends, I realised that most of us married woman had similar stressful thoughts going on in our minds. Keeping our family safe and always wondering whether our parents are healthy and alright.
It is difficult for me to not look after my parents personally, because being a single child I’ve done that for most of my life. And today, I am scared to even meet them because I worry if I become the reason for their bad health.
I can’t make up my mind about whether I should go and meet them or not. It is just a problem with my mind and heart right now, I don’t know if anyone would even be able to understand what my heart is going through. I literally end up in tears sometimes when I go to their house to drop the groceries and stand outside the door for a quick chat, or wave from the car, I miss them so much. I wish all this will be over soon.”