“No. We’ll make do with what we have, don’t go out”; “I will play a board game with you so you don’t get bored and don’t go out cycling”; “Why do you want to order pizza from outside, I will make it at home for you”;  I’ve tried all the tricks in the book to keep my family indoors and safe, but until now. With the relaxing lockdown rules, I don’t think I can argue anymore..but then I keep wondering whether I should only start relaxing a bit and try and bring things back to normal?”

Radha, a 88-year-old married woman and a mother to a 10-year-old boy expressed her concerns about the government’s new relaxing lockdown rules for the 5.0 phase. Just like most other people, she is also confused about what the new normal should be, “My husband said he’s going to have a haircut next week. Even though as per the rules, we have to carry our own towels and taking specific appointments to avoid contact or crowding I keep thinking that it is an unnecessary activity he is undertaking. I asked Diman, my husband, if I should give him a haircut, he just snapped at me saying it will be okay. His argument was that the government has opened the doors to the salon so that the economy gets rolling again and we start building our lives back brick by brick.

More so, he has asked me to call Kunti our domestic help back to work. Though I am bone-tired with the cleaning and washing jobs, Dhiman insists that calling her back, albeit with precautions, is  the right thing for me and for Kunti also. He says that if Kunti doesn’t get work again, she will become insecure and restless and that to keep her running her family we need to give her employment. But I am confused; is it safe for me to call her back? She’ll be going to different houses, cleaning clothes, utensils, touching different surfaces, I mean would it be safe to get her inside the house and let her touch the surfaces in my home too? Wouldn’t it be infectious??? 

I have seen people ordering food; the riders are zipping around in our society. I have also read all these posts about  how ordering food is safe since it is cooked food and if re-heated properly, the chances of virus surviving  on it are negligible and that all the restaurants, and food delivery apps are following strict protocols. That day, I was tempted to order in ice cream but then stopped short...

Am I even ready for this...all this normalcy in leading life? Am I ready to let my husband go to the salon? What if schools open in July, am I ready to send my kid to school? Or let my maid in my house? It is so difficult to make any decisions nowadays. 

I’ve started to overthink even my small decisions like going down to get the groceries. I buy milk for three days so that we don’t need to go down often. Whether I should buy anything online and if yes, then how best to sanitize it? Is it okay for my son to go downstairs for cycling? These are such small things to decide but all of them are giving me a lot of stress and keeping me  thinking always.

I am losing sleep on this and have become very anxious because of all the over-thinking.

Diman also agrees that I am becoming more concerned, hyper and confused since a few weeks now. But then, with so many things going on in my mind, how am I supposed to stay calm? I just worry that if I take a wrong decision, I will be solely responsible for whatever bad happens to me and my family. And I don’t even trust my own decisions anymore. It is all so difficult!!”