“Didi, main aa sakti hu kya kaam pe? Please, dekho na mujhe gharpar nahi rehna hai jyada time. Kuch madad kardo, society waalon se baat karke dekho, main mask aur gloves bhi pehenke aa jaungi. Please kaam pe bula lo na didi.”
My 23-year-old domestic help called me earlier today morning. Even though I had assured her that she’ll be getting her salary irrespective of the COVID pandemic she insisted on coming to work. Later, I got to know that her husband and mother-in-law have been abusing her ever since the lockdown began. The reason for the abuse was not that she wasn’t earning or working at home, but simply the fact that she was now more available to them to vent their frustration out on.
I am a therapist myself and I have met a number of women who are depressed and victims of domestic abuse and violence. But the number of calls that I’ve received from the time lockdown has become official has spiked up more than ever before. Though women have gathered the strength to raise their voice, the saddening thing is they still have to stay home because the police officials can’t take the risk of virus spread. Many women have been asked by the police personnel to stay put until this phase passes by.
This has led the women to doubt their self-worth as they think that the injustice happening against them is less important than the other problems occurring during this time. The surprising case was of Arpita (name changed on request) who is a working upper-middle-class woman who lives with her in-laws and kids. After the lockdown her family expects her to look after their requirements and prioritize her work at the end of the spectrum. When she had her Zoom-meeting her husband barged in her room, even though he knew she was on call and started quarrelling with her for not serving lunch to their kids on time. Though she’d muted her call, her camera was on and she was humiliated in front of her colleagues when her husband slapped her. The reason for his viciousness was less about the lunch and more about his inferiority complex that her job was going on fine while he was not so sure-footed in his property business.
Though the pandemic has made people suffer financially and it is preying on their physical as well as mental health, women are the ones taking in most of the violence to make the others feel in control in the houses.
Women need to
- Seek help: even if your local police is not available, the women helpline numbers are all working
- Stand up for each other: If your domestic help or someone else calls in to report abuse, help them out by guiding them to the right resources.