“I watched her struggling to live. She was so strong, stronger than anyone I knew. And after 20 minutes I was the one in-charge to prepare her for her funeral. Two weeks post Shailee’s death, I still can’t digest that she is no more. Sometimes I feel that she will walk through that door and say–‘Sorry, I got a bit delayed’; but that’s never going to happen again. I don’t have time to grieve over my best colleague’s death because I can’t let others die. I have to work every day in the same hospital and look after people lying on the same bed that she breathed her last in. Is this even fair?”
This was the statement of Sushmita Iyer, a nurse based in Kerala.

COVID is not only affecting the lives of our loved ones but also the lives of our frontline warriors. Many doctors, nurses have seen their own colleagues get ill with COVID. When the doctor is the one who needs treatment, post catching the infection from a patient, everyone around  becomes nervous, anxious for their own safety, angry at the system and some even start to lose hope. There is a huge possibility of the whole team falling apart or melting down during the time of crisis until someone else takes charge.

“Yes, we do feel hopeless when our patients don’t show progress but it is all the more agonizing to see the same happen to a team member. I don’t know how to stay strong anymore”, said Ashish, an assistant doctor in Ahmedabad.

Feeling anxious about your own health as well as your colleague’s is normal in the current crisis. Negative emotions arising from this grief can be difficult to handle and even more hard to get over with.

Grief is a strong emotion to deal with one someone just like you falls for the disease. It can harbor unsettling thoughts such as “Will I be next?”, “If it could happen to her, then it can happen to me too.” 

Grieving is a complex and challenging process and while doing so, your reactions can be overwhelming at times and barely noticeable the other times. You might have different trigger points that will remind you of the agony and grief of your colleagues struggling to survive the COVID pandemic.

But  instead  of letting  it get the better of you, you can 

1) Avoid judging and express openly instead

Everyone has a different way of reacting to situations. In the time of crisis when a colleague tests positive and  it starts  to take a mental toll on you, discuss the pain and express openly your concerns with a counsellor or a senior.  It is important to acknowledge the anxiety to make your emotions come back to normal from the feeling of being overwhelmed.

2) Stay mentally strong

Easier said than done, but this is not the time to give in. Remind yourself of why you took on this job, and how it gives you a purpose in life. Look for the positives even in the lowest of times. Stand by your team and the colleagues family members. Helping them cope with the tragedy will give you another purpose and meaningfulness.

3) Acknowledge the loss in cases of deaths

If your colleague has succumbed to the COVID pandemic, try and acknowledge the loss and accept the fact. If needed, engage with the team members and share the grief together. Remind each other of the good work your colleague did.  Create a small memorial at the workplace to acknowledge the loss. Try to seek help if the feeling of sadness and detachment with the work continues.