“Mamma, I think Jay is going to break-up with me. This lockdown has ruined everything--first the school and now my relationship as well. I so hate this life”, said my 17-year-old daughter who has a boyfriend in 11th grade and had plans of joining him in the same college after her board results were out. Having teens in the house, during this lockdown, has changed my perspective of the generation today and the problems they go through. 

Meshta, my daughter is used to hanging out with her friends and her boyfriend every single day. Yes, I am aware of her relationship and it is better to know where and what she is doing rather than having her hide things from me and regretting later--that’s my personal parenting ethos. 

The problem is that, even if I am quite a friendly mother, her friends are her support system. Every day they meet, they share secrets, have romantic relationships, discuss future plans etc., and honestly speaking for teenagers - there is no stopping them from whatever dreams they have. In such situations when they have to face something that they had never even thought of and that too as restrictive in nature as the virus, the reactions are quite unusual. 

As I said having teenagers in the house changes the perspective, Meshta is very frustrated and open about expressing her anger towards the crisis. She also keeps reaching out to her friends through social media every now and then. She gets her required dose of emotional support from her friends online. They also have fun such as sharing new makeup techniques and clothes and their cooking fiascos. Though her attachment to her mobile phone has increased a lot, but still she is coping with the lockdown well, I think. 

But, Marukh, her twin brother is reacting exactly opposite to this. He has locked himself in his room and comes out in the common area only for meals and 15-30 mins in the evening. Honestly, I am worried for him as Marukh has never been the one to open up about his problems easily. He would rather bottle them up than vent them out. He has taken social distancing too literally and now I am worried for him more than before. He hardly connects with his friends and is more absorbed in his own world.

Marukh had a fall when he was trying to fix the light in his room; he banged his hand into the bed and has a sore limb. I have been forcing him to come along with me to the hospital to get an x-ray done but he wouldn’t move as he says, he’ll contract the virus if he goes out of the house, especially if he visits a hospital. I tried to assure him about the safety measures but he wouldn’t listen to me. 

I am trying to be patient with both my children, as a friend - my therapist who has been guiding me for a long while has advised me to give them their space but stay in touch at the same time. Teenagers need their space and with the current situation, their plans have been blown away and they might feel it is an end of their life and dreams. Just try and understand them and make sure to be available for them when they come to talk to you. What they need is to be treated as an adult and not a child who has to be coaxed or threatened into doing things--I know it is easier said than done, but I am trying. Marukh’s quietness is bothering me a lot since he is absorbing so much from the environment yet not letting it out. My therapist told me that I should take out some creative time with him--such as doing some art work together, or listening to music together--something that dissolves the boundaries between a parent and a child a bit more. I need to be really thick with both my teensd during the lockdown.

Being a mother to two teens has taught me a lot about patience, and fortunately, social isolation is helping me to put that patience in use with my children too!