“I know early marriage is difficult for girls but that is best for them also. The sooner they go and take charge of their husband’s house the better it is.”: “Too much studying and too much of job exposure is not suggested in our culture and there is a reason behind it. Girls are meant to take care of home. The other decisions can be left on the men”; “We never pushed our own daughter to study too much and see she is happily married today, in a rich family, happily bringing up her own two girls. What is wrong with that? Making her do post-graduation would just have been a waste of money.”;“Why does your mumma make you keep studying all the time? What do you want to be when you grow up? A magistrate? Forget it. Girls look nice in kitchens”.

I had been hearing such things for the past 11 years of my marriage. My in-laws based in Punjab are very conservative and patriarchal in their approach towards girls. They had not even encouraged their own daughter to study too much and had married her off well. Even I went through a difficult time after my marriage regarding my continued interest in work. I was branded as being “disrespectful” towards my in-laws for not being a stay-at-home bahu. But I took in my stride and tried to diplomatically balance it all.

But all hell broke loose when I heard them repeating the same things to my now 8 year old daughter, who I try very hard to give a vision for her life. I want her to be focussed on her career besides her personal life. But that is not where my family’s intent lies. They are bent upon indoctrinating in her the same traditional values--girls should not be heard but only seen; girls should not partake in important decisions; girls should limit their thoughts upto planning meals and not financial matters; girls should not say no--that I do not agree with.

I want to tell them that she is my daughter, and let me bring her up the way I want to. I do not want her to be a damsel in distress waiting for her prince charming; I want her to be her own saviour; I want her to explore all the possibilities that come her way--career, marriage, job, children--everything so that she feels she has led a full life. I want her to be able to take her own decisions whether it is about what to cook for the next meal, which car to buy next, or where to invest her money in. I want her to be a thinking, independent person and not a puppet in someone else's hands. I respect traditions but not those that restrict my daughter’s fights of fantasy.

And I told them the same, oblivious to the melodrama that followed. I, was, as is, an unfit daughter-in-law and a lesser person, so if they thought any worse of me, I didn’t mind. It was for my daughter and I decided to stand up that day," recounts Sonia Jaiswal, 35, mother to 8-year-old Samaira Jaiswal, Chandigarh.