Covid is not easy on any of us, but imagine the anxiety a new mother goes through who has not only just delivered a baby but also has to bring him back home from the hospital, safe and secure. The world was never more full of horrors than now.
“I went into labour at home, three days ago. Thankfully, because of work from home Abhishek, my husband was at home at that time. Since, it is my first pregnancy, we waited for sometime before panicking. But more than the labour pains my mind was crashing on me.
Ever since the onset of COVID, I was mentally prepared to deliver the baby at the height of the pandemic, but preparing yourself for something and facing your fears at the moment, are two different things. All positive affirmations went flying out of my head as the feeling of the pending doom started to sink it. All the while, I was also cursing myself that most women would be exhilarated at this moment ready to receive their baby but here was I, crying, and repeatedly asking God that why did the pandemic have to come at this time, why couldn’t the baby come sooner or wait for some more time, what if my infant gets infected...how will I handle it all? Will I ever stop blaming myself?
As the pain intensified, so did the feeling of nervousness, doom, anxiety and stress. I was a wretched mess...crying because of the physical pain and also the mental trauma of having to deliver the baby during a pandemic.
I had been sanitizing my house like crazy the past two weeks and now suddenly it all seemed waste.
The cases in India were increasing manifold, doubling almost in every 15 days and with more asymptomatic carriers, the scare of infecting myself or the baby was only too real. What if the guard standing downstairs was a COVID carrier? What if a COVID carrier had touched my car’s door and infected it and then I touch it? What if the liftman in the hospital was a COVID carrier? I could pass it onto my baby from anyone. And worse, what if Abhishek caught it and passed it onto me or the baby? What if while buying baby essentials Abhishek crashes into a COVID positive asymptomatic carrier? What if while buying tea for himself at the hospital, Abhishek gets infected. I wasn’t ready for all this.
We reached the hospital with me praying and spraying sanitizer obsessively on my hands and my hospital bag. At the hospital, even though I was doubled up in pain, I did not help myself onto the stretcher without spraying it first. I knew the hospital staff would have sanitized it already but nothing was enough for me. All the staff was wearing face shield which was a relief for me. Even during the prepartion and being wheeled into the labour room, I kept asking the staff about their santization and did not let anyone, including Abhishek, hold my hand for the fear of the virus. Within a few excruciating hours, I was wheeled into the delivery room and made to sit, bent, for the epidural, but there too my over riding thought was COVID....there too I asked my doctor, “What are the chances of my baby being infected? How can I protect my child?” My doctor placed a gloved hand on my hands, gripped them firmly and told me to relax and not stress about COVID.
My doctor told me that this is going to be the most joyous moment of my life and is bigger than the pandemic and that I should live the moment and not my fears.
She told me that we are all there to take care of me. She jokingly reassured me that though COVID is harmful, the recovery rate is good and not to worry.
During her words, I felt a pinch of an injection and soon started to relax immediately. Soon, my questions and worries turned into joy when I heard small, strained cries of my baby.
From that moment on, COVID lost its importance in my life. Even though my baby is just a few days old, I don’t want to live my life fearfully always; I want to enjoy my baby and not be scared. COVID is there but so is my baby and the happiness he brings to me. I decided to choose happiness and a full life over a life of fear about a virus."
As told by Neha Ahluwalia, a resident and young mom, Gurgaon