“I am trying to keep everything in check. I clean and sanitize everything daily, ensure food is healthy, and take care of other needs of my in-laws and parents. Yet, at the end of the day something is amiss—I don’t get a feeling of achievement from it all. Even after doing so much, I feel I have not done enough, or missed something out. I have started to question my capabilities, and decision-making abilities. I feel I haven’t done enough. I have started to ask my husband to decide even the smallest of things,” says Rupa Chowdhary, a 39 year old homemaker from Delhi.

 Women have been brought up on the diet of being natural nurturers—take care of everyone’s feelings, needs, and even whims. If the family is not satisfied with the  planned meal of the day, most women will change  the  plan immediately. They try to keep the environment and people’s moods around them in check. 

But during COVID, this side of the personality is ready to engulf them. With lack of domestic help support, everyone at home, not being able to move outside due to COVID guidelines their work has multiplied but the expectations of the family still stay put. The family does not realise that it needs to bend sideways to accommodate the woman.

This has led them to feel out of control, insufficient about their own capabilities, and a feeling of helplessness and anxiety is slowly creeping in their minds. They struggle with the question that "In spite of doing so much, why don’t I have a feeling of accomplishment?"

 Women also have a tendency to get worried about situations that seem uncertain. Without the clear picture of whether things are going to be normal soon, you as a woman start facing the fear of helplessness and frustration way more than anyone.

 How can you as a woman try to make things better for yourself even when things seem out of control?

Change your criteria of self-assessment: If cooking does not give you joy, so be it! Don't judge yourself on it. If painting gives you joy, that is the real parameter to assess yourself. Your sense of accomplishment and achievement comes from things you enjoy doing rather than those you don't.

 It’s OKAY: Understand that it is OKAY to not be in control. Accept the problem of NOW only then can you act on it. Understand that its OKAY to not be a perfect homemaker, to not be a perfect mother, and to not be a perfect wife.  It is OKAY to love yourself, get up late sometimes, skip some household chores; It is OKAY to celebrate whatever small achievements you have managed through the day rather than keep pushing the bar higher. 

Perspective matters: A simple example of ‘Glass half-filled or a glass half empty’. Though this example might seem difficult to apply during a worldwide crisis like the one we are in right now, the change in perspective makes things easier. The pandemic has hit the whole world and people are getting infected and dying. You can either be stressed about how bad it is or focus on how to get past it. 

Focus on what you can control instead: You sure are not in control of stopping the global virus pandemic but securing your own space is what you can control. Following the prescribed guidelines like not touching your face, not going out without a mask or sanitizer, washing your hands often and, following the social distancing protocols will make you feel like you are contributing to the cause on your own scale. 

Worries might exhaust you, Practice self-care: Worrying and depression are some mental health issues that need a lot of self-care to get over with. Reduce the intake of news as that tends to aggravate your concerns and worries. Try to follow a healthy routine with proper intake of food, water and getting good resting spaces. Following these will make you feel less restless and help you calm down in times of extreme situations.