‘Stay Home and Stay Safe’ is the mantra for everyone worldwide, today. Agreed, the lockdowns around the world, and especially in India, are helping slow the spread of COVID-19, but the lockdown has a darker and a more sinister consequence--a spike in the incidents of domestic abuse cases all over the world.

A study threw up a disturbing trend--a rise of reported cases from just 30 to 69 within a week after the lockdown.

 With women and men being together throughout the day, disagreements and heated arguments are unavoidable. But where earlier, men would be in office for a large part of the day, and women too would either be on their own or in their own offices, the chances of  them getting  into an altercation were fewer as compared to now. But now with the positives of having your family around you, some women are  living with  the nightmare of having their abuser around them 24*7. 

 It is a known fact that women give into domestic violence for the fear  of hurting their parents, not having the option of returning back to their parents home, compromising because of the child  and largely hiding the terror for the fear of “What will everyone say? They will call me a weak woman.” And now with the lockdown, when the chances of the woman finding refuge with  a friend, going back to her parents house, or just removing herself from the scene of fight by going outdoors etc., are limited, the abusers have more space to target their victims.

The abusers implement a subtle procession of isolating factors with their wives or victims by controlling the daily activities of the abused and preventing her from visiting family, friends or neighbours; something very easy to manage during the lockdown.

Here are a few case studies of domestic violence during the countrywide lockdown;  

 1) Parvathi used to run out of the house for help when her abusive husband would beat her up. After the lockdown when she tried the usual things, the narrow lanes of the area she lives in had a police barricade erected at the entrance of the street which she couldn’t cross. The next time she tried to run away from the house, her neighbours as well as the inspector-in-charge asked her to stay indoors, and sort the matter out with her husband.

 2) A husband thrashed his wife because she was winning at a board game of Ludo. He apologized by giving an excuse of feeling excessively competitive but continued exhibiting a strong hostility towards his wife while she would engage in any household tasks. 

 3) A 26-year-old newly-married woman was repeatedly raped by her husband as he indulged in sexual activities with her considering it to be their ‘honeymoon phase’. Even after her denials, he insisted on her fulfilling his sexual desires and forced himself on her. She couldn’t ask for help because she still hadn’t made any new friends in the family or neighbourhood due to the lockdown. 

During these times when families are necessarily confined inside the house, the acts of abuse are increasing. But a woman needs to  stop it. For starters, she has to learn 

Don’t blame yourself: It is not your fault that your husband or any family member indulges in aggressive behaviours. As abusers, they might make you believe that you are at fault for not serving on time, not preparing good food and making them feel lustful and so on, but that’s not true. Understand that you do not deserve this treatment in any way. 

Understand the pattern: Whenever an abuser indulges into abuse, he follows a certain pattern. It can be as subtle as moving rapidly from agitation to verbally venting out the anger, abusive language and hitting you. Try and break the pattern or secure yourself whenever you notice the first signs of the behaviours being exhibited by your partner. 

Work on your safety measures: Though the lockdown has hampered almost everything around us, women helpline numbers are fortunately working. Keep these numbers handy and make sure you have the women’s shelter and domestic violence numbers on your speed dial. In case of absolute emergencies, always keep a small bag of essentials as well as COVID health safety kit ready – hidden away from your husband or abuser and make sure you have a plan set when you decide to run away from your home. 

Remember an abuser is basically an insecure individual who when he can’t get his  way, resorts to violence. He is afraid of a strong, rational woman. So, be that woman to stop yourself from being a victim.