We were in lockdown... I was anyways very depressed and ignored in this home... Because no one cared for my emotions here... If Arjun loved me or wanted to be around with me, he would be guilt-tripped... I wouldn't be made to feel special... Everything in this home was overwhelming for me. Those cold vibes, that negligence used to break me. My routine outside gave me an escape from the toxicity, from the attacks, from the partiality!

But now with this lockdown, this was 24*7 in my face... And it was making me extremely under control, extremely overwhelmed and lonely... My depression started getting out of control just in 3 days

I joined IWill therapy with my husband who used to think that I overreact, who would be baited and leave me...

In therapy my therapist helped him see that he wasn't with me practically even when he physically was.

She helped him see that:

1) It was important for him to not be sorry or shy of his time with me...

My sister in law or my mother in law didn't like him sitting with me!
"Arjun, doing something? Mom wants to talk to you..." This was always said when he was with me...

IWill therapist helped him see that he needed to assert in his home... His time with me was no reason to be shy of... That he had to see how painful it would get for me that I couldn't plan even 40 mins of time with him sitting relaxed and talking without interference!

She helped him see that being his wife, I had this right on his time...

And this constant interference felt to me like a denial of my rights and also my husband's silence on this felt he is ok with this too! 

My husband could see that it was NOT OK to not let us have space, that it was not ok for him to run away every time I needed him, every time, all the time couldn't be an emergency.. .That if this was happening every day, it was a design and it had to change!

2) Constant comparisons on who should Arjun love more or being stopped to express his love for me had to end

Once my husband said " Meera loves me so much. She keeps looking at me. Said Arjun, and just in that moment, sister in law said, Kyun Arjun mom doesn't love you? She has always been so partial towards you...
And Arjun went defensive..."

I didn't even understand what was there to compare in this?

To things like these, the therapist helped my husband see that such comparisons were unfair... Having left my world if anything I needed was the confidence that he loved me too!
That this kind of comparison was very toxic and was showing me constantly that I was less in his life, a feeling I shouldn't have been given!

The therapist at IWill helped him see that rather than think these as normal, my husband had to block these comparisons... My husband should express the free right to love me without anyone trying to make it a "them vs me.."  

That was toxic! That was solving only one purpose and that was putting me down, both emotionally and mentally... 

3) Be responsible for my equal love and care  

If it was my work, no one cared. They wanted me to be the perfect daughter in law. If I was unwell, no one understood my anxiety. If I wanted to talk about my parents, no one wanted to listen to it... I was so lonely and this lockdown was making me more mentally alone. With no one who really had warmth for me... Only coldness 

The therapist at IWill helped my husband realize that If others didn't want to give me equal love and care then my husband had to do that.. If others saw my needs as just attention-seeking plots. My husband had to see me as a family...

My work, my happiness, my emotions that were always ignored in this home...he had to pay attention to this.

He had to talk to me about things that I liked that were always brushed aside in this home and so causing me loneliness...

In therapy, the therapist at IWill helped him see that he had to stand up for my relationship with him. He had to ensure I feel at home... With him, for him... 

He had to help me get past depression and ignorance... We are still in therapy, it has been only 5 sessions but I am hopeful, being here 24*7 even my husband also has been able to observe better things that used to bother me, the coldness and the pain. I am sure now things would change for me bit by bit! 

And hence I shared my story till now! Not a great writer as some of the other IWill clients... But felt my story is worth sharing

If you want free immediate counseling to discuss some of your relationship issues, click the chat button on the right-hand side and start sessions.