Domestic Abuse comes in many garbs
“IF YOU DON’T AGREE TO WHAT I AM SAYING, I WILL DIVORCE YOU. BE READY TO FIGHT A CUSTODY BATTLE FOR THE CHILD.”
A statement like this will fill any mom’s or a wife’s heart with an indescribable fear. Just the thought of being separated from her child is enough to cause her unmentionable mental and emotional trauma. She is bound to feel scared, worried, stressed and hugely sad and broken even when there are no physical signs of abuse.
A blackmail, threat or intimidation like the above, where they may not be any physical injuries, also come under the purview of domestic abuse though most of us are not aware of it. Domestic abuse is not just limited to physical, sexual abuse or harassment but goes much deeper to break a woman’s self confidence and make her comply.
Here are some more instances of domestic abuse that we need to recognize.
- “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? WHY ARE YOU SO SLOW? YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY IS MADE UP OF IDIOTS, INCLUDING YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER AND YOU ARE A SLUT. YOU ARE A WITCH WHO SHOULD BE BURNT.”
If your spouse indulges in verbal abuses, destructive criticism, shouting, mocking, accusing, name calling, it is very much domestic abuse and you can speak up against it.
Remember that no one has a right to insult you, your family and cause you immeasurable pain and instil feelings of shame in you. It is a tactic to break your spirit and keep you in control.
- “I TOOK YOUR MOBILE AWAY BECAUSE YOU SPOKE TO YOUR MOM AGAIN INSPITE OF ME TELLING YOU NOT TO DO SO. LEARN TO STAY IN YOUR LIMITS OTHERWISE I WILL NOT GIVE YOU ANY MONEY. AND DON’T EVEN THINK OF TOUCHING THE CAR.”
All these pressure tactics—sulking, not giving money, taking away or destroying phone, laptop, or car, taking the children away, threatening with police’s name, or self-harm and suicide, lying to your friends and family and not letting you connect with them or telling you that you have no choice in any decisions—all are part of domestic abuse.
- “SHUT-UP. WHY DO YOU TALK WHEN YOU HAVE NO SENSE? YOU HAVE TO OPEN YOUR MOUTH ALL THE TIME EVEN WHEN YOU HAVE STUPID THINGS TO SAY. THE OTHERS ARE QUIET, WHY CAN’T YOU REMAIN QUIET.
Disrespecting you or putting you down in front of others, not listening to you, not letting you speak, telling you that you have no choice but to remain quiet, are also part and parcel of domestic violence, though more mental and emotional than physical and need to be stopped.
- “YOU WILL NOT GO TO MEET YOUR FRIEND. I DON’T LIKE THAT LADY, YOU WILL HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HER ANYMORE. YOU WILL STAY AT HOME...IF I FIND OUT THAT YOU HAVE CONTACTED HER, I WILL....”
Forcing you to disconnect from your friends and family, monitoring your phone and social media accounts, choosing whom you should meet or not, monitoring or blocking your phone calls, telling you where you can and cannot go to keep you away from anyone you care about is a way to isolate you and stop you from reaching for help—again domestic abuse.
- “DAMN YOU WOMAN, I WILL KILL THE CHILDREN AND SET FIRE TO THE HOUSE IF YOU DON’T DO WHAT I SAY. AND THEN YOU CAN BURN IN GLORY.”
Even threats made with an intention of intimidation are part of domestic violence. Actions like making unnecessary angry and violent gestures to scare you, breaking things, destroying stuff, punching walls are meant as a show of aggression to make you believe the abuser.
(Pic credit: freepik)