“I found it very strange when my husband told me how his father treated his mom. His mom had no say in the household matters, was not allowed to speak up before her in-laws, was not allowed to even take decisions about what she would wear when and how, her own children and so on. 

And inspite of bending backwards all the way to adjust my father-in-law and his family, my father-in-law thinks much lesser of his wife than he should.

It surprised me no doubt but I was not prepared to what it would do to me.

Within a year of my marriage, I started noticing the same things--the behaviour meted out to my mother-in-law--from both my husband and my father-in-law. 

IF I WANTED TO DISCUSS INVESTMENTS AND FINANCES, I WAS TOLD TO REMAIN QUIET.

Where we would go to dine out, what time, what days were all decided by my in-laws in planning with my husband. I was only expected to tag along.

Slowly this started to bother me.

I WAS THEIR DAUGHTER-IN-LAW, NOT A LIABILITY THAT THEY HAD TO LIVE WITH

I WAS A MEMBER OF THEIR FAMILY, NOT AN OUTSIDER WHOSE WISHES, WANTS, AND OPINIONS DIDN’T MATTER

I started to speak out...tell them what I preferred what I didn’t; If a restaurant wasn’t to my liking, I would say no to going there; if a saree was not the colour I liked, I would say as much.

I was soon getting tired of it all…

TIRED OF THE BULLYING OF MY HUSBAND AND MY IN-LAWS.

But it took me time to speak up and then it took them a whole lot of time to learn to not think of my opinions as rudeness and disrespect.

ANYTHING I SAID NO TO WAS IMMEDIATELY CONSTRUED AS DISRESPECT.

But I had to put a stop to this..I believed firmly in living my life on my conditions albeit with adjustments and respect, but not living my life as per the whims and fancies of others. I was worried that I will never be able to respect my ownself if I let this bullying carry on…

A counsellor friend told me how to respectfully but firmly put my foot down firmly; how to choose my battles; and how and when to let go...the most important aspect of living in a family. 

She told me how to differentiate between willing adjustment and bullying coercion into doing things. 

I am glad I reached out to her...and found my peace..I have reached a point where I can balance both myself and the expectations from me, peacefully, without hurting either.

(Pic credit: freepik)