“I had got the chips for myself. Why did she have to eat it? Now ask her to bring chips for me,”;“Isn’t your left side hurting already? Shut up or I’ll have your right side hurting too,”; “You can’t hog all the lego pieces to yourself. Give me that yellow one or I will hit you.” - These are the things my son has been scaring my younger daughter with and I am worried for their physical and mental health. Is this rivalry due to being cooped up inside the house for longer than expected?? Have I been a bad mother??
Ever since the lockdown was put into place, both my children are always fighting. They have a 3-year age gap and it wasn’t always merry and fun between them, but now things have become worse. Harish and I have always made it a point to never differentiate between our son and daughter, but things have been quite nasty recently. They are always quarrelling even over the stupidest of things leading to fistfights and shouting on top of their voices.
Haranya, my daughter is 14-year-old and Ankit is 17-year-old and neither of them is acting their age. 3 months back, Ankit had hit Haranya on her neck (just for fun it seems or maybe he was disgruntled about something). The blow fell on her ear but thankfully nothing serious happened; but the doctor did warn us that it could have been serious. Post that the animosity between them increased even more and it is driving me up the wall.
It is almost like they hate each other to the core. Moreover, we all have to stay together 24*7; they can’t go out or have their friends over (which used to be a distraction for them earlier and give each of them their space). If I ask Haranya to serve food to Ankit, she denies right away saying, “His whole body is functioning well and he can take it for himself” If I ask Ankit to lower the TV volume as it disturbs Haranya while she is reading her book, he purposely increases the volume saying “Ask her to stuff cotton in her ears; I cannot do everything as per her wish.”
As a mother, things are getting ugly in front of my eyes and I am not even able to do much. Being constantly in each other’s face just makes them them more easily irritated at each other. There is no respite for either of them. And then the issue of participating and taking responsibility of household chores--each is always telling me to ask the other...I am going mad and feel like running away. But I am home now, and I want them to behave as siblings and not enemies, but is it even possible till they don’t get their normal lives back, I wonder??
- Madhura Koli, A 45-year-old working professional and a mother based in Mumbai.