“It has been two months since schools closed down and we, my 8.5-year-old daughter and my 3-year-old son, have been inside our house with bare minimum contact with outside world. At the onset of the pandemic, we let go of our cook and househelp also for the fear of contamination, and I took the onus of managing my house, children, their studies, cooking, cleaning etc. all on myself.

Did I bite more than I could chew? Initially no; now yes! 

I started off like all perfectionist, ambitious moms bent upon running my household as smoothly, if not better, than what maids could do; cook fresh each time, with lots of nutrition and hygiene; give 2 hours to my daughter for her studies and schoolwork; clean and make the house shine; be a model wife, housewife, mother...et all.

But a few weeks down the line, an incident shook my belief system. My daughter was not feeling well and came to me complaining of a stomach ache. At any earlier point of time, I would have sat her down, fussed around her, given her stomach a gentle massage  in circular motion, cuddled her...and she would have been alright (sometimes all children want is some attention and tenderness and their ailments get sorted). Instead what I did was told her to go away since I was busy, told her to go to her papa and ask him to give her some medicine. My daughter muttered under her breath, “But now you are always busy..” 

Something ticked me off in that statement and I flew into uncontrollable rage—I raved, I ranted, I cried—I told a scared 8-year-old that I am doing all this for her and she should be grateful to me and not complaining...and I felt satisfied in saying this, not ashamed.

After I cooled down, and my daughter went to her bed crying, cuddling with my husband instead  of me, my husband gently told me that look at  yourself. What has happened to you? Are your okay with what you said and did today? She is after all a child and does not understand your burden. Do you think it is fair to show to her what all you are doing for her? Also, why do you push her so much to study or clear up or be the perfect child...everyone wants a break. Even she deserves one. Even you deserve one.

Calm words from my husband set me thinking...what he was saying was true.

In my attempt to be the perfect mother, I was not only pushing all the buttons of my kids but stretching myself too. I was making them study, everyday, with no holiday or a no-study day; making them eat healthy with no scope of junk or fried foods such as french fries that they love; and in general making days long, boring, monotonous, predictable and stressful for all involved.

I needed to loosen up a bit, and it was only when I would be relaxed would I be able to lighten the atmosphere of my house and make the pandemic days bearable and enjoyable for everyone.

It didn’t happen overnight...but everyday I started to be less of a perfectionist.

There were days when I would sleep with a sink full of dirty utensils; there were days when washed laundry would pile up into a mountain on the bed in the spare room; there were days when I wouldn’t feel like taking fresh juice and served soft drink instead; there were days when  instead of making healthy meal I would pull out frozen patties, put it between two burger buns and serve that for dinner (with frozen French fries alongside) and there were no-study days too.

And these days are still there..infact lots of them...I am guilty of admitting that they are more than I would  like to admit, but what I have now around me is a happy family. We play board games, leave the house dirty if we don’t feel like cleaning up, and cook more desserts than real food.

What I have in return is a happier me...a more relaxed person, who has now, after two months, started to enjoy her family life in isolation during COVID, and who now laughs looking at the adorable faces of her children rather than looking at the floor and thinking how dirty it is, it must be cleaned.

Going through this transition I also realised that one junk meal once in a while will not make my child unhealthy, an extra hour or so of screen time once in a while will not  make my child blind, once in a letting the child sleep late will not ruin her schedule for ever, and if she does not feel like studying sometimes, it does not mean my child will be uneducated..but by giving all this to my child, once in a while, I give her the gift of happiness...and enjoying life...and learning to have fun... 

There are days when I carry the guilt too of missing out on school work or serving junk for a meal...but then like some wise whatsapp message said that this time too shall not return...children will study, they will grow to be healthy...but this family time will not return,” says Devyani Thakre, Delhi.