“That day I cried through the night...I wanted to go back to my parents. Why was I in this hell? It all started with an act of trying to get accepted in my husband's family. I thought I will surprise my in-laws and husband by cooking paneer in a thick, creamy gravy. They not only abused me for being wasteful of cream and butter, but did not give me any curry to eat and stowed away the leftover in the fridge for my husband’s next meal saying that I can eat butter, ghee, and paneer when I earn it for myself. I was shocked beyond belief. No one would even do it to their maids. Can I not eat a tummy full of meal in my own house if I do not earn?” says a broken 26-year-old Rajashree who lives in Chandigarh.
“I live with my in-laws and my husband. Though my husband didn’t want me to work after marriage, my in-laws supported me in my decision. I thought my in-laws loved me for who I was, but, two years into this arranged marriage and the COVID pandemic, has shown me their true faces.”
She further explained, “I used to work in a BPO for a firm based in the US. But due to the economic slide I was one of the many people the company chose to let go. When I was working from home in the initial two weeks, my mother-in-law helped me with the household chores and meals. Everything was going so well but when I told them about my job loss, things turned suddenly into a nightmare for me.
The past two-and-a-half months have made me realise that my job and my earnings were the reason my in-laws were so good to me. I thought they were supporting me but now I know that they were just after my salary. And now that I am no good to them financially, I have been hurt, mentally tortured and made to feel worthless and utterly useless. My in-laws don’t plan to call the domestic help back since they want to save on her salary by making me do all the household chores...through the day, I am caught in the cycle of cleaning, cooking, ironing, washing, dusting...and if I make a mistake—food not cooked well, or floor not cleaned till it sparkles—they start to abuse my parents saying things like, ‘they seem to have taught you nothing, and sent you to us as a way to get rid of the burden’; they tease me by name calling me saying ‘kahan ki maharani ho tum’; The way they talk to me is downright humiliating. I have started to feel lost even amongst my so-called own people; there are days when I feel like running away from it all; among these people I have no self-respect left.”
The job losses and financial downturn has made the gender inequality scenario even worse than before. For some women, entrepreneurship or jobs were the things that gave them a sense of independence and power. It helped women keep her status and identity safe in her in-law’s house. But reducing job opportunities is not only going to affect women financially but also hit them emotionally and mentally.
If a woman brings money in the house, people treat her with respect, similar to Rajashree’s experience. There are more than 40% women responsible for carrying out the expenses of their in-laws’ house. Because they are the earning, everyone treats them with respects but the pandemic is about to change this scenario.
The number of instances of domestic violence have also spiked up--women have reported verbal and physical abuse by their husbands and in-laws for not being able to feed them or bear the extra expenses.
Though the struggle is real for everyone, men would find it easier to find job and opportunities in comparison to women. There are many factors that feed these statistics but this particular seed of gender inequality has made the reducing opportunities, job loss and struggle for a career a nightmare for most the women in the Indian society.