“I am a businessman with two hotels--one in Delhi and another in Shimla. Both my hotels are medium class and cater to the regular tourist. They are my livelihood. I had invested my life’s saving in both.
And now I am on the edge of getting ruined...I am 65 and there is no way I can restart again now.
IT IS ALL OVER FOR ME
With COVID, my hotels have been shut since March. The state governments have not yet allowed us to operate. I had to lay off literally all my staff--waiters, kitchen, janitors, front desk--literally everyone, except one or two. And it is becoming impossible now to even pay the salary of those one or two employees.
There has been no revenue but costs-electricity, water, taxes etc. and zero earnings. I have been sitting at home since March with nothing to do. And if things are to be believed, it is going to be this way for another year or two--time enough to finish me off totally.
There is no value of my property left...I have loans to pay off...I have other expenses to take care of…
I can’t manage my anxiety and stress anymore; I am not able to sleep or eat; I don’t feel like watching TV or talking to anyone; I can’t stand my wife; I find my 24-year-old daughter who is in college also totally useless and lazy, I don’t think she will be able to do anything in life;
I sometimes wonder if I am going mad...I love my wife and my daughter but why do I dislike them now...why are they at peace and moving on in life while I can’t rest my mind; why are they cooking and eating delicacies when just eating normal roti is tough for me; why are they laughing when I can’t even breathe…no one cares about me; no one thinks that here I am lying at home since March doing nothing; and they are laughing and talking; why is the fear that is gnawing at my insides not eating them up to..
Maybe they are selfish?
Maybe I am depressed?
I wonder why I have become so bitter towards everyone, including my own family whom I love…” says Prakash Mittal, 65, a resident of Delhi.
Prakash’s dislike for anything happy, positive, cheerful and his feeling victimized by everyone, was concerning for his family who coaxed him to have a few online sessions with a therapist.
The process is slow...Prakash still has his moments where he feels forsaken...but the intensity of those feelings has reduced.