"You are at home the whole day, what are you cribbing about not having any time for yourself?"

"Beta, please clean the fridge today. It has become messy."

"Tumhare Papa ko bolo paise bhijwaane, pota toh unka bhi hai na?(Ask your dad to send some money; after all the child belongs to his family also.)

"Sab ko pucho pehle kya khaana hai fir khana banao. Aur mere liye jo bhi banao alag se kam tel aur teekha banana." (First ask everyone what they want to eat, then cook food. And whatever you cook, cook something separately for me that is less spicy and less oily).

These are non uncommon scenarios in Indian households. In addition to the workload a woman is expected to shoulder, there is also no limit to the expectations others have from her. And coronavirus has made it worse for her--where earlier she had some domestic helper around and could go and meet her relatives or friends to get a much needed respite, now she is deprived of that too. A survey found that during the lockdown, the number of women reporting mental trauma due to increasing demands increased by 42%. And any kind of trauma meted out to a person, intentionally, falls under domestic abuse, something Simran had been facing for sometime now.

Simran reported extremities from her in-laws during the lockdown that made things difficult for her more than she could have imagined. She said, “I am tired of them all. I just feel like running away from this place. Everyone being at home has become an ordeal now--it is just more work and somedays I am continuously at it. When I told my husband that I am getting worked up a lot and I need some time off for myself and that I don’t get any he said, “You are at home the whole day, what are you cribbing about not having any time for yourself?”

I was quite shaken up by his statement. It means that my work is of no value. Am I even worse than a bonded labourer that I can’t ask for sometime off for myself? Is it that difficult to notice that I get tired and then want a break and want to rest. Everyone has different demands, but what about my demands then? No one cares for me, it is only I who has to suppress all my desires and needs and always keep other’s demands at the top of my priority list.

I don’t feel like a family member any more but a service provider at home. The stress and pressure of fulfilling everyone’s expectations have made it impossible for me to breathe calmly or sleep peacefully! My mind is always in an overdrive thinking about what all I have completed and what all is remaining. I feel stretched in all corners...no one it seems is caring to notice that.

And on top of that all the money matters. It was my son’s birthday last month and I suggested that we buy my son a simple desktop computer since he has online school now. My husband responded saying that I should ask my father to gift it to him. Asking money from my father was something I could understand under pressure but the way he said it was so disrespectful.

And then not to mention all the quarrels we have in the bedroom over sex. I do love him, but I am the only one who works the whole day, homeschools my son and all this takes up all my stamina. And when I genuinely just want to go and drop dead on the bed, my husband gets all frisky. He is of the opinion that when things would go back to normal we won’t have this time again and that he wants to make the most of it during the lockdown. But what about my desires? He never even bothers to ask me if I am in the mood or not. Nowadays I’ve started to sleep with our son in his room on some pretext or the other just to get some sleep. Yes, I lie to him that our son has been feeling weary and it would be better if I sleep with him, but then what option do I have?? I just want this lockdown to end soon so that my husband can get busy in his work again, and get busy with his life so that I get to do what I please without pressure and exhaustion.