“I don’t know what to do. My arranged marriage of 15 years is at crossroads and I must make a choice. Please help me decide.

My marriage has always been a roller coaster--good moments and bad moments all mixed together. While me and my husband, Surjeet, have shared many laughters and vacations and joys there have also been innumerable moments of extreme mental, physical, and emotional abuse. 

My husband is a self made man and so is very egoistic and believes in keeping his emotions and concerns to himself and dealing with them himself. He also has had a conservative, patriarchal upbringing and he and his family never could accept me well--an independent, educated woman who had a mind and opinion of her own.

But like all Indian women, my mother always told me to adjust with marriage and that compromise is the name of the relationship.

With two kids and no career--I gave up my job after becoming a mother--I adjusted and trudged along in the marriage.

Every year there have been 3-4 horrendous episodes of abuse--verbal, blackmailing--but everytime, I got over them and moved on. My husband is a good father and so I kept quite also for my children.

My in-laws worried me to no end.

THEY HARASSED ME, SPOKE AGAINST ANY PROJECTS I WOULD PICK UP FOR WORK, POINTED FINGERS AT MY UPBRINGING AND PARENTS...IT WAS TORTURE.

I disconnected from them for my sanity and my children’s future.

But now my husband believes I am to blame for his family not talking to me, for his family’s pain. 

Due to WFH, his outbursts have increased. He is abusive now almost every day over one or another  thing.

My children who are teenagers now, want me to walk out of this marriage or atleast break ties with my husband. But it is easier said than done.

My younger one is severely impacted by my husband’s violent behaviour

BUT MY HUSBAND THINKS THERE IS NOTHING WRONG IN ABUSING HIS WIFE ONCE IN A WHILE.

He even refuses to seek help for the same. 

HE IS NOT ASHAMED OF HIS VIOLENT BEHAVIOUR.

I AM CHOKED WITH ALL THE HUMILIATION.

I can’t take it anymore. My head will burst one day.

I can’t tolerate my husband anymore but I can’t leave him either..

I HAVE NEVER BEEN TAUGHT THAT I CAN LEAVE MY MARRIAGE.

I haven’t slept for past 15 days.

I CAN’T DIE BECAUSE OF MY CHILDREN; I CANNOT LIVE BECAUSE OF MY HUSBAND.