Why staying indoors is ruining me and my mental health


“Sitting at home, not being able to step out without the fear of dying has diluted all my calmness and patience. If not travel, I don’t even know what to do anymore. Without travel I am jobless and focusless?” said Krishna Kapila, a 25-year-old travel blogger. Krishna is travel enthusiast, who loves going around and out, exploring different places. He runs a popular travel blog and an instagram page and earned her livelihood from this itself.

But with the COVID pandemic, his life has crashed around him and without his pet hobby, or money, he has no idea how to spend his time while being locked up inside the house. 

“In the beginning, I thought this will all be over within a few weeks, but it’s been more than three months now and I am having a really tough time dealing. Being cooped up inside the house makes me feel nervous and anxious. There are times when the worry becomes so much that I literally break into a cold sweat wondering what I will do if things don’t settle down soon and I don’t resume travelling. 

I loved travelling so much that I quit my graduation course and started my own youtube channel.I travelled a lot, and with time, got good sponsorships for my videos. I was so much into it that what started off as a hobby--making videos with basic phone--soon grew into a profession. Within a span of three years, I collected lots of equipment and the quality of my vlogs and pictures improved too. But my journey was not easy. I’ve struggled a lot all these years, and this year I’d planned a whole new format for my vlogs which would give me a breakthrough and get me a considerably good amount of subscribers. But everything has gone for a toss now. 

That is not just about my career--this is who I am. I don’t like being in a routine, stay inside the house; I don’t have many friends either here in the city--whoever I meet on my journeys becomes my friend and when the journey ends, we part with good memories. My father has been telling me to stay calm and that I can resume my career once things are better, but what about my emotions and the personality type that I am? No one understands that this pain and suffering is not just because I am experiencing a slowdown on my channel, but because I am not used to being cooped up at home for such long durations. 

I am a person who loves to not just travel but meet new people, talk to different people, explore their cultures, imbibe a few and I fear this whole social isolation, and stay-at-home rule. I understand this is necessary, but it doesn’t make sense to my inner self.

Call me self-centred, but right now I feel ignored by all. I feel that while making these rules of isolation and social distancing, the world and the government forgot about people like me. I think I have a phobia of staying indoors--I should seek therapy for.

Given my mental state--the crying fits, breakdowns, insomnia, and the feeling that the walls are closing in on me--my parents took me to stay with them. My food and essentials are no doubt taken care of here, but what about my passion? Also, they are so different. All these years that I’ve stayed away have made it amply clear to me that we can never stay peacefully, together, because we do not think alike. Which is the main reason why he nor my mother can understand my anxiety attacks and fear of being socially isolated! 

I don’t know what to do anymore. I cannot work, because I wouldn’t get a job based on my qualification and neither would I ever be able to stay in one place and work for anyone. I am a free bird, my own boss, and I want to be like that. I fear that if this pandemic doesn’t end I might just suffocate and end up dying in my room….”