“You should see how my mother dresses. It is so elegant.”

“Ask mom how to make rotis, daal, subzi, dessert, rice...hers is the best.”

“Why do you keep short hair? Look at mom, how long and beautiful her hair is even at this age. You should also try and keep your hair like hers.”

“You can’t wear solitaires in your ears. My mom has never worn them. Don’t show off.”

I know as a wife, I should not even try and match up to my husband’s mother. I understand and appreciate the emotion behind it also, but what I don’t understand is why does my husband not appreciate my uniqueness as a person and wants me to become a shadow of his family. 

His words and attitude is clearly setting me up for long hours of feeling alone, feeling insignificant, feeling inferior and inadequate...and eventually losing my self-confidence.

Like many of us, I knew that getting married and then adjusting in the new family was not going to be easy, but I was ready to give it an honest shot and thought that my sincerity will win over anyone more than a fake presentation of love. But how wrong was I.

I bent backwards to adjust to my new family--cooked and ate food they way they liked, dressed the way they wanted, changed my lifestyle, waking hours, sleeping hours, gave as much respect to my in-laws as possible--but still no one noticed or appreciated my efforts. They just wanted more and more and more out of me...more adjustment, more compromise.

I had already adjusted so much that I had become a mere shadow of my previous self...I was less confident, less decisive, didn’t know what and when to talk, tongue-tied in presence of elders…

But most hurt was caused to me by none other than my husband--the person for whom I was doing so much. He is never satisfied with me and how much I do for his family. He always thinks lesser of me.

I wonder if he was not mature enough to accept my individuality, why did he marry me at all?

If he wanted just a shadow of his mother, he should have warned me before marriage?

Why did he put up the demeanour of a liberal man, if at the end of the day he was the same old patriarchal man?

I FEEL CHEATED IN THIS MARRIAGE. MY HUSBAND HAS COMMITTED AN EMOTIONAL FRAUD WITH ME. 

I don’t want to continue living this way," says Smita Misra, resident of Nasik.