“Working from home used to be a perk before the pandemic. But now, it just seems like a punishment and is a source of mental torture for me. I wish I could go back to office, away from home...for atleast few hours a day. I cannot believe that my husband threatened me because I am the one bringing  in money these days, and he is without a job,” said Tanaya Wadke, an IT consultant working in Delhi. She is married to Neeraj, a designer with a local newspaper, who was facing a salary cut due to the pandemic and economic slash. He recently got laid off and ever since life has become a nightmare for Tanaya.

 “When Neeraj got the email about being laid off, both of us were shocked and distressed, but I was internally happy too since I would still be getting my salary and we would be able to manage our expenses is what I thought in the beginning. 

Initially, I tried to make things better for Neeraj—fussed around him, attended to him—but over the weeks as I got involved in work and he watched me from the sidelines, things turned bitter. He started off by showing anger and aggression, which I thought was because of his frustration and job loss. But as I tried to ease his pressure by paying the whole rent, giving him money to get the groceries or even paying the bills and his subscriptions for Netflix and other apps just so that he doesn’t feel stressed, it all backfired on me. 

I later realised that Neeraj wasn’t frustrated about his job loss but was angry that he lost it while I still had at mine. He taunted me every single day, whenever I gave the money he tried to mansplain me and manipulate me in a way that I was responsible for all his troubles. His actions towards me changed completely. Instead of being supportive of me, he would keep demanding something or the other when I was working or was on calls; he behaved rashly by pushing me whenever angry, or name-calling me, taunting me. Once he even twisted my arm over a small matter—he wanted tea when I was on a call—and I told him that I will make it later for him. He flew into a fit of jealousy and anger and told me that I need to make tea right away and that I was trying to show off to him that I was working. The breaking point was when he threatened to kill me.  

I now realise that I have to bear the brunt of Neeraj’s bruised male ego. I don’t know what will trigger his anger anymore. I loved my husband but now I don’t even know who this human is with whom I am staying. He has just threatened me but is it okay to say ‘Just’? What if he ends up murdering me tomorrow for getting the groceries and making food? What do I do? How can I get away with the lockdown and already tense situations outside?? I sometimes wonder if it is my fault—is there something that I did that hurt him so deeply,” mused a distraught Tanaya.

COVID pandemic and the forced stay-home act has opened a whole new frightful world for women. Domestic abuse cases are on the rise. Just like Tanaya, many women are victims of physical as well as mental abuse based on the factors like a hurt male ego, withdrawal symptoms  of an addiction, anger issues and isolation.

But like Tanaya, they need to get help. Tanaya spoke to her parents who advised her to reach out to her maternal uncle who is also in Delhi. Between her parents, her uncle who came home to talk to Neeraj, and Neeraj’s own parents, Neeraj was made to agree to take online counselling and deal with his issues and Tanaya has learnt that it was not her fault whatever happened and she needs to stand up to it rather than live in fear of  it.