Policemen have taken up the responsibility of keeping the citizens of our country safe during the COVID pandemic at the cost of their own physical and mental health. We got an insight into the high-risk factors and the thoughts that are bothering these policemen during the virus invasion through a discussion between a therapist and an inspector posted in a COVID containment zone. What is it that worries them and how their decision has taken a toll on their mental health? (The name has been changed on request)
Therapist: What is it that’s bothering you?
Adarsh: Everything. Absolutely every little thing that I come across—every person, every inanimate thing, every thought, every being--physically and mentally, all of it is bothering me.
T: Okay. So, let’s talk about your work?
A: That is the main reason for all my agony. I am assigned to the COVID task force for the responsibility of the locality under my jurisdiction--to keep a check that the lockdown protocols are being followed by the people or not. I took it up thinking that if I keep the surroundings safe, I’ll have control over the health of people around me and indirectly be able to save my family from it too. But, it turns out I am not in control of anything at the moment. Everyone does what they want to, it is so much work that even if I try, I am not able to manage it and now I might be the reason for my family being infected too…
T: Ah, I think that is too irrational a thought, no? What do you think?
A: Everything is irrational. I saw my own team member cry his heart out in agony in front of my eyes two days back. Taking up this responsibility and appointing my team for a certain job and then the saviours (we) being pushed, beaten and abused by the very citizens we try and protect is something that I am not able to digest. Now I don’t just have to worry about my team and my own vulnerability towards the virus but also about being harmed and picked upon by the citizens too. On top of this, the worry about my family is real too.
T: Is anyone sick at home?
A: I am glad they aren’t but I don’t think it is long before they do get sick, because of my wrong decision to take up this job. Eventually I will be the carrier of the virus to them.
T: Why do you say that?
A: I am exposing myself to this virus every single day. Soon I might get infected by touching someone or something and take it home with me. My old parents, and wife and daughter live with me. God only knows if something happens to anyone, I will never forgive myself.
T: Hmm… So do you think it would’ve been better otherwise? If you wouldn’t have taken up this task?
A: I know I am risking my life and many others too, but I did this out of my sense of duty. And now there is no going back and I have to live with it. But it is difficult to assure my wife everyday that I will return home safe and sound. I have seen so many people die during the hospital check-up routines and I am convinced it is the real evil, this virus. I get nightmares of me walking in the hospital looking at my wife lying on the deathbed in the hospital. Getting a good night’s sleep is a long lost concept for me. I am so tired of making people follow the lockdown protocols, still every single day I fail at making the situation better. I am a failure. There is this unexplainable restlessness and stress of not just the work pressure but also the fear of death. All the mental stress is feeding my trauma. And I am just wondering whether I have taken a wrong decision of being a frontline warrior for this invisible bio-war against Coronavirus.
Adarsh’s words are truer than we would like to accept. And it is not just him but many more like him who are suffering damages to their mental health and peace because of COVID. His therapist advised him a few relaxation techniques such as deep breathing and asked him to find a confidante and talk about his misery. Venting out is better than bottling up as per the therapist. He also advised Adarsh to keep faith in his religion or God whomsoever he follows and that will give him positivity to get over the crisis.