Dear Netra,
I am sorry for not being at home for you for long enough hours. 

Trust me, I am more desperate than you, to be at home with you and our daughter. I am sure Anya must be troubling you with her never-ending questions about when I’d be home and when we’d be able to have dinner together again.
Mehra’s neighbours asked him and his family to vacate their rented house as they were scared that Mehra would carry the virus from his patrolling rounds of the colony. I do not want this to happen to us which is why I am staying away from home in a rented room because I don’t want to be the one to be reason for you and Anya to search for another house to stay in. 
Also, as much as it has made you anxious, I am guilty myself. My staying with you can make you and Anya sick. Sometimes, I feel that these long working hours as a subordinate inspector are alright because even though I am vulnerable to the virus, I am sure that you both are safe. And the constant pressure of duty keeps my mind occupied.
These days am on the hospital and ambulance duty to keep the patients transit from home to the hospital safe and avoid any kind of attacks on the ambulance, healthcare workers, doctors or nurses. Netra, you wouldn’t believe if I tell you the number of calls we get every day for suspected COVID patients. It is a nightmare. The phone never stops ringing. And sometimes we have to accompany the COVID teams to the patient’s home. The terror and worry in the family is very scary. They sometimes try to hide the reasons and who has come in contact with them to protect the family members and have to be coaxed, explained or threatened with lockup to divulge details that will help in contact tracing. And then the contact tracing is the biggest and the most difficult of the jobs. We have to enter each and every house, jhuggi, shop that the person has been to. And I have to guard the COVID teams else people are ready to throw them out of their houses and shops.
 I feel like giving up every minute. I want to be back to my house. I am tired thoroughly. I cannot take it anymore, the uncertainty, the deaths, the long hectic hours of work, and most importantly staying away from my world. 
Last time when I was home, i.e. 5 weeks back, I yelled at you for asking me about the salary. I am sorry for that. I understand you need to know how much money we’d be getting to carry out the whole month’s expenses. But I want you to understand, we are working day in and out in uncertain times and it is difficult to focus on money, though I hope the money I’d sent last week was sufficient. 
Netra, something is happening to me. I am not able to sleep at night, whenever I try to eat, even though I am hungry I cannot eat more than three morsels. I don’t feel motivated to work. I feel angry most of the times and at others helpless and worried and anxious. I sometimes can't breathe freely, the stress is so much ..I want to scream out aloud.
And I am getting into fights and arguments many a times a day—from patients, attendants, contact tracing teams, people on the roads—I blame everyone for keeping me away from my comfortable home. Moreover, I even had a huge argument two days back with Joshi Sir about how people were treating us badly. I also thought to myself, is it a bad time to be saving people’s lives? I feel sad and lonely. I know I don’t talk as much whenever you call and I kept all these things inside me for a long time.
Then yesterday  a counsellor came to our thana and we had a session with her for one  hour. At first it seemed to be a waste of time and I wanted to go back to my duty, but slowly when everyone started sharing their stress and stories with her, I also opened up. She said, writing my thoughts would help me more than ever before and that is what this letter is about. 
Don’t be scared. Take care of yourself and Anya. Do not panic in any case, just know that I’ll be back home soon. This isolation and staying away is best for the moment.
Please forgive me for putting you through this difficult time and leaving you to face the stresses alone. Don't tell baba and amma about all this.
You can come and meet me someday at the thana but we will have to follow social distancing and sit at 6 feet away from each other. Best is that you and Anya come in Srivastava’s auto and wave to me from outside the thana gate...I will atleast get to see both of you though from afar. Do not get down from the auto else Anya will want to run to me and may start crying. 

Yours lovingly,
Amit